i experienced a misery week

with tones of assignments

and other tasks...

i felt really tense and 

i really feel like i can't do it.

i felt broken-hearted by a person

and i really don't know what 

to do.

I often ask God ...

why me?

why let i get to know to this person

if t just meant to hurt me?

but God says,

He will never put me in a situation 

that i can't handle.

However, 

i kept asking the same question all over again.

why God put me in such a hard situation??

I attended a camp last Raya holiday.

We pray and do our quiet time in the Peace Heaven Camp.

I saw many of my friend's got the response from Jesus.

but i'm not. 

a friend of mine used to advice me.

"If you want God to answer you,

pray and open the Bible...

all your questions and doubts got to be answered."

i did this but it always end up with the same result.

God didn't answered me as i want Him to.

feeling isolated, 

i just walk around the campsite until

i reached to a gate.

i sit there alone with the mist and cold breeze.

i really feel hopeless!

i don't know what to do.

i opened the Bible but i can't got anything from it.

i felt frustrated.

and i started to talk by myself.

i ask God many questions.

What should i do next?

Should i or shouldn't i?

Is it the right way or not?

why did God leave me when He say that He with me?

Why i felt as i was rejected?

You know what...

God didn't answered me.

i was totally broken-hearted!!

i felt like i've been left out!

God where are you?

After the camp, 

i listened to some of my friend's testimonies.

All of their testimonies almost the same.

God answered them most during the camp and the quiet moment.

I smile, but deep inside me i felt hurt.

Why God forsaken me?

Why God didn't answered me like He answered them?

I was touched in the camp most of it's session.

But still i felt hurt about God didn't answered my prayers.

However, after attending the camp 

and a youth conference recently,

i made a commitment to stay positive.

i'm trying my best for it.

I did cry, most of the times..

but i'm quickly turned to God.

Though He did not answered me,

i let myself think,

He was there and watches over me...

I still have problems till today..

but i know i will get through it..

somehow with the strength from Him..

i was doing my works since last night.

and i'm totally exhausted!!

anyway,

to entertain myself, 

i checked out the music videos in youtube.

I came across of video which pop-out

out of nowhere.

It's this video.

i never watch this video before..

and something put in my heart to click it.

i can't speak Mandarin but the music really great.

i felt the calmness...

everything just not end there...

as i re-watch the video,

i found out that there is a bible verse.

it is...

"Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love,
   for I have put my trust in You.
Show me the way I should go,
   for to You I entrust my life."

(Psalm 143:8)

I just totally shocked!!

Did God just answered me?

Yes!

He teaches me how to pray to Him.

and i felt glad..

i should let God lead my way..

and not lean on my own strength!

that's it!

i should entrust my life to Him...

God lead my way. I pray. In Jesus name, amen.

all this while..

i've been wrote most of my "so-called emotional" love stories...

in this precious blog...

hahahaha

but today,

i'm going to write something that touched my heart...

seriously...

i wanna cry all night long if possible.

First,

let me say:

i think all of you must know the song...

"Sentuh Hatiku by Maria Shandi"

so,

as you read this...

it's best if you listened to the song and reflect to the lyrics it gets.

the lyrics?

hmmm...

here it goes...

BETAPA KUMENCINTAI
SEGALA YANG T'LAH TERJADI
TAK PERNAH SENDIRI JALANI HIDUP INI
SELALU MENYERTAI

BETAPA KUMENYADARI
DI DALAM HIDUPKU INI
KAU SLALU MEMBERI RANCANGAN TERBAIK
OLEH KARENA KASIH

REFF :
BAPA, SENTUH HATIKU, UBAH HIDUPKU
MENJADI YANG BARU
BAGAI EMAS YANG MURNI
KAU MEMBENTUK BEJANA HATIKU

BAPA, AJARKU MENGERTI SEBUAH KASIH
YANG SELALU MEMBERI
BAGAI AIR MENGALIR
YANG TIADA PERNAH BERHENTI 

behind this beautiful song and lyrics...

there was a story...

and that what i'm going to tell..

The story behind the writing of this song by Jason, a born-again child of God, has greater depths and breath based on the Word on the Love of God.

Jason, a born-again Christian, likes to go and pray for a girl, who was raped by her own father and became mad. She was chained to the house, and could not move about or do anything. While going there, occassionally he wrote the lyrics of this song.

time passed...

Jason moved to town, and was busy with his own activities, then suddenly, this girl called him on his handphone, he was surprised that she is not crazy anymore, and had gotten free from the chains to make phone calls.

Then the girl told her story:

While in chains, she said to herself : 'One day, if this chain brakes loose, due to rust or any other reason, I will go and kill my dad.'
But the morning when she awoked, she saw a figure of a man in bright white robe, Lord Jesus and said to her :
"You must forgive your dad"...
But she could not, and she kept crying, hating and screaming. Until finally, Jesus embraced her and said : "I love you."
Although struggling, she finally rose to forgive her daddy. .. the whole family were in tears, crying and heart broken, repented, and returned to normal life.

From there this song touched my heart...

p/s: if you realized, the most of the word in this song consists of "Bapa"...

:')