Friday, September 16, 2011

i experienced a misery week
with tones of assignments
and other tasks...
i felt really tense and 
i really feel like i can't do it.

i felt broken-hearted by a person
and i really don't know what 
to do.
I often ask God ...
why me?
why let i get to know to this person
if t just meant to hurt me?
but God says,
He will never put me in a situation 
that i can't handle.
i kept asking the same question all over again.
why God put me in such a hard situation??

I attended a camp last Raya holiday.
We pray and do our quiet time in the Peace Heaven Camp.
I saw many of my friend's got the response from Jesus.
but i'm not. 

a friend of mine used to advice me.
"If you want God to answer you,
pray and open the Bible...
all your questions and doubts got to be answered."
i did this but it always end up with the same result.

God didn't answered me as i want Him to.

feeling isolated, 
i just walk around the campsite until
i reached to a gate.
i sit there alone with the mist and cold breeze.
i really feel hopeless!
i don't know what to do.
i opened the Bible but i can't got anything from it.
i felt frustrated.

and i started to talk by myself.
i ask God many questions.
What should i do next?
Should i or shouldn't i?
Is it the right way or not?
why did God leave me when He say that He with me?
Why i felt as i was rejected?

You know what...
God didn't answered me.

i was totally broken-hearted!!
i felt like i've been left out!
God where are you?

After the camp, 
i listened to some of my friend's testimonies.
All of their testimonies almost the same.
God answered them most during the camp and the quiet moment.
I smile, but deep inside me i felt hurt.
Why God forsaken me?
Why God didn't answered me like He answered them?

I was touched in the camp most of it's session.
But still i felt hurt about God didn't answered my prayers.
However, after attending the camp 
and a youth conference recently,
i made a commitment to stay positive.
i'm trying my best for it.
I did cry, most of the times..
but i'm quickly turned to God.

Though He did not answered me,
i let myself think,
He was there and watches over me...
I still have problems till today..
but i know i will get through it..
somehow with the strength from Him..

i was doing my works since last night.
and i'm totally exhausted!!
to entertain myself, 
i checked out the music videos in youtube.
I came across of video which pop-out
out of nowhere.

It's this video.

i never watch this video before..
and something put in my heart to click it.
i can't speak Mandarin but the music really great.
i felt the calmness...
everything just not end there...

as i re-watch the video,
i found out that there is a bible verse.
it is...

"Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love,
   for I have put my trust in You.
Show me the way I should go,
   for to You I entrust my life."
(Psalm 143:8)

I just totally shocked!!
Did God just answered me?
He teaches me how to pray to Him.
and i felt glad..
i should let God lead my way..
and not lean on my own strength!
that's it!
i should entrust my life to Him...

God lead my way. I pray. In Jesus name, amen.

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